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Soldier and spouse in need of everyone's help or advice.

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Leanne 1
Emily 3
Kimberly 2
Bob 1
RoxAnne 2
PapaSmurf 1
unsureanymore 2
ashml 1

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unsureanymore --- 12 years ago -

We are in need of some help or advice, we have been seperated because of a ERD and spouse was sent back to the states. now that a few months have gone by we want to work on us and save our marriage and we are trying to get back together. But trying to bring spouse back is being dificult, packet was turned in and denied. Saying that spouse needed to get a psychological evaluation to bring spouse back, That our action was declined until further review in 12 months. We are not wanting to wait and then be still told yet again of some other reason why we can't be together. Spouse had the psychological evaluation done and while in the states is seeing a Therapist to deal with issues of depression and has been told making progress and does not see any harm in letting spouse go back. The problem is now that spouse had the evaluation done,(on who to get it to). Soldier was told that the Therapist helping spouse while still in Germany could help and the forms from the evaluation and the Therapist should go to them, then told that family advocacy could help. When asked either of them, both have refused to help. Saying that it needs to go to Commander first. But soldiers Commander is refusing to help and has said that he would deny if put in front of him. All we are wanting is to get spouse sponsored so to be able to come back to Germany and live with soldier in military housing or to find a way to get out of housing instead of having to still wait one year before soldier is able to move out in the economy Hopefully if you have read this far you can help, or know someone that can. It is Christmas time and though we might not be able to be together at Christmas we are hoping that we can be in the near future. We are hoping that there is some good people with caring hearts that are willing to help two people that are in love but just have had some bad luck. There is strength in numbers, and the people have the power to change anything. And to stand behind one another and for things that need to be made right. We are really hoping that the right person will read this or even pass it to another until it gets to someone that is willing to help a couple out this time of year. Any other information we can give, we are more then happy to share with anyone that is willing to care and help us. Thank you, very much for all of you that help, read this or are able to pass it on to someone that can make a difference in saving our marriage. 

ashml --- 12 years ago -

Well my father was in the military for 22 years he has helped me out with issues...if you don't mind I can ask him. and some commanders are just jerks!!!! We als know someone else like this that ERD and HAS been gone for 12 months and they still will not approve the command spounsership..where exactly have you gone too for help? because going to the commander is not exactly the best place to go I have learned!!! PM if you would like 

PapaSmurf --- 12 years ago -

Have you thought about writing your congressman/woman and/or senator? 

Emily --- 12 years ago -

I would also suggest writing the congress. They get things done quick. When my neighbor and her husband got orders to Germany they sent him first and were seperated for almost 7 months because his unit kept putting off command sponsorship. They finally got sick of it and she wrote congress and they took care of things and got her over here quickly. My husband and I didn't wait for the big green D!c* to tell me, myself and my girls could come. As soon as we got our passports we came. I know your supposed to be command sponsored to get housing and I have no idea how he pulled it off. He just went in and said he wanted to live off post and they said well actually we just had a townhouse come available, you may want to take a look at that first. So he did and he got it. I wasn't command sponsored for a little over 2 months later 

Leanne --- 12 years ago -

Everywhere I've read, it says that ERDs are permanent, that's why you need to be so cautious and it's such a long process to go through one. I sucks, but it's extremely expensive for the military to not only pay for airfare, but move a person's belongings overseas. Good luck though! 

Emily --- 12 years ago -

has he looked into doing a curtailment? i don't know what his deros is. but doing one of these he can change his deros to a sooner date rite now my husband is doing a 9 month curtailment and one of his nco's is working on a 12 month one. id have him look into that. 

Bob --- 12 years ago -

the way this all looks is just another case of people wanting what they want no matter what the rules or regulations say. it is sad that this situation occurred but i'm sure someone advised the couple that if they opted for an erd that the spouse would not get command sponsorship to return. people continue to rush into things and then expect everyone to feel sorry for them and bend the rules. i know this sounds cold but when will people finally accept that they are responsible for their actions and bad decisions on their part does not mean things should change to accommodate them? i've been through the rough road with marriages and i really hope something can be worked out but it's not the big green D!c* that caused this to happen. 

RoxAnne --- 12 years ago -

I sure would like the military to move me back to the US for a few months and then move me BACK to Germany, all on their dime! I mean that is military money that could be used for much more important things. Emily, what is a curtailment, I have never heard of that? 

Emily --- 12 years ago -

The general definition for it is- the act or process of decreasing: abatement , cut , cutback , decrease , decrement , diminishment. Hubby says it's a 4187. It's basically paperwork that you put in to lessen your tour. (moving your deros) 

Kimberly --- 12 years ago -

To my understanding the military will not pay to bring back the dependents and their goods. So I don't see why people keep thinking that. It seems you just want to get her command sponsored so she can get come over and live on base again with you. I will say that the refusal to help is definitely understandable but you aren't here looking for a lecture. I am sure it was a painful decision to make and good for you and your wife trying to make it work. Sadly, the military does frown on ERDs and while you maybe frustrated the military did not force the ERD. I remember the hoops we had to jump through to get command sponsored so I am sure that your situation will be even more difficult. Like Emily I came over non command sponsored and paid for me since hubby was already stationed here. It took us several months and did not get married pay, etc. Heck we didn't even get separation but we just couldn't be apart any longer. Where there is a will there is a way. Are you not able to bring her over and get housing on the economy? I don't know your rank or branch but hubby was on the economy as a SRA. Best of luck and I agree with trying what Emily suggested. 

Kimberly --- 12 years ago -

I had a sofa stamp that allowed me to stay in Germany and I had a military id card so I was able to go on base and I had a no fee passport all done without being command sponsored. We just didn't get the finances that come with being sponsored. I also know that even with a reg. passport you can just go out of country every 3 months....Sounds silly but I am trying to give you workarounds. I would focus on trying to get on the economy and that would be maybe easier then trying to shorten your tour. Its such a long process and no guarantees. How much longer is your tour? 

RoxAnne --- 12 years ago -

Duhh I know better than that... I dont know why I was thinking they would pay to bring the spouse back! Kimberly has pretty good ideas! Also the idea of getting your DEROS moved up sounds like a good idea! 

unsureanymore --- 12 years ago -

Thanks everyone, and Kimberly we just got in germany in june of 2009 and it is a 3 year tour. So we are going to try and find a small place for me in the economy and some sort of job until we either get back the Command sponsership or move somewhere else. This being apart is killing us both and is no way to be married. Yes we all have regretes of choices we make but we have also made several good changes tha has been very positive in our relationship. And we are not asking the Army to pay anythin, just to allow us to live on post and not make a lot of extra exspencies, but we will survive. Thanks everyone for the info, help and advice and please if anyone has anythinbg else that we can try or might help us please drop us a line. And if anyone hears of a job or cheap place to stay please also let us know. 

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